As someone who once dreamed of being a teacher, I have a lot of faith in kids. I speak to them, not down to them as most people do, and I trust that they will speak to share their observations, ideas, and concerns. (Which they also usually do.)
Unfortunately, the rise of the overprotective I-Have-No-Faith-In-Anyone-Else’s-Decision-Making Helicopter Parents (And a few childless activists to boot) have demolished the rights of school age children and adults alike across the United States to enjoy peanut goods on school grounds and other public venues. Why just peanuts? There’s 8 top allergens, not just one! (Fish, shellfish, dairy, soy, wheat, peanuts, tree nuts, and egg.) Why are we targeting the peanut?
In the last classroom I worked in, there was one child (out of 30. Get that? A classroom of fucking 30 kids and one teacher. No wonder our system is failing.) who had a peanut allergy. He was eleven, so he was well aware he had this allergy. He knew that he shouldn’t eat peanuts or go around french kissing other girls and boys who just ate peanuts. He was a bright and capable young man.
We had a Valentines Day party and snacks were made available. Peanut butter cups were involved, and contrary to what his mother believed, this kid was well aware that he should not be eating peanut butter cups. The party was great, lots of awkward valentine exchanges, and everyone went home unscathed.
Apparently, allergy kid gave his peanut butter cups away on the bus, but was polite enough to collect everyones trash and candy wrappers before he got off at his bus stop.
The next day I arrived to school and heard this weird squawking sound coming from the principals office. Then I heard the principal say “There’s the student teacher maybe she can provide you with better answers.”
Holy shit. Here came stay-at-home helicopter mom barreling straight at me, complete with no gainful employment and all the free time you could ask for. (Thank you principal, for pawning her off on me because you avoid all forms of parental confrontation.)
‘Squawk squawk squawk peanuts squawk squawk allergy squawk squawk COULD HAVE DIED!!! Squawk squawk you are a horrible person and influence squawk squawk squawk!”
“Your son didn’t eat any peanuts ma’am, he knows he is not supposed to…He’s a bright and capable young man.”
“SQUAWK!! He came home with peanut butter cup wrappers!! SQUAWK SQUAWK!! He ingested peanuts HE COULD HAVE DIED SQUAWK SQUAWK!”
“Um… I believe your son is well aware that he cannot eat peanut products… Besides if he ate them wouldn’t he be in the hospital right now?”
Her face contorts to ‘lemon’ expression. This tells me that she was full of shit to begin with. At this moment I look out the window and notice her kid making the weird ‘pussy eating’ hand gesture at some other… boys…
“Perhaps we can shift your concerns to your sons playground behavior?”
She ignored my comment and stormed back into the principals office and continued her squawking. After that fiasco everything that contained nuts was banned from our school building. Imagine that. Because one dumb bitch can’t trust that her own eleven year old is capable of not ingesting peanuts, the whole school has to suffer. (May I also make note that there were more students with fish and milk allergies at this school than peanut allergies but we still served fish sticks and milk at lunch… hmmm…) I also found out this year that most schools in my district have banned all things peanut. And if I’m flying on a plane with someone with a peanut allergen, low and behold because I am in the ’10 row zone’ I have to settle for nutrient devoid ginger snaps instead of a wholesome mini bag of peanuts because I might be vindictive enough to sprinkle my left over peanut dust on their head.
I understand that allergies can be a scary thing. They can lead to death. But I trust that those who have them are capable of educating themselves and picking and choosing the right environments and making their own inquiries.(i.e.: Not going on a tour of Pearson’s Nut Roll Factory, asking the right questions at a food establishment, reading food labels, playing it safe, etc)
There is no need to deny everyone certain foods (nuts, soy, wheat, fish etc.) in establishments that would normally have those things because a small percent of an even smaller percent of people forgot their epi-pen at home. (Or have Helicopter Mom hovering over them…) If you can’t even be in the same room as a peanut how do you even leave your house everyday? I’m not hating, just really goddamn curious. WHY THE PEANUT?!
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