Creepers Live: My Elevated Stalking Situation

Setting: My place of work. I work in a deli as a cook/baker etc. It is a nice job with good pay and flexible hours so I can do my ceramics mumbo jumbo on the side. I have worked there for a few years, since the store itself opened. I am very pretty in real life, but luckily this job allows me to hide in a giant white coat and stuff my hair under a hat so not a lot of lady hungry dudes can tell that there is a gorgeous unicorn slaving away doing manly man things like chopping up stinky fresh caught fish.

Since opening day, a man we will refer to as ‘Peeping Tom’ has come in multiple times during my shifts every single day to creep on me. Here are some of things he does:

1. Leers at me creepily from behind the salad bar.

2. Asks me creepy questions like where I live, what my last name is, if I have ‘relations’ with other workers, and if I think he is cute, or if he can send me presents or take me on scary trips to Nebraska.

3. Makes creepy unwarranted comments like ‘Nobody loves me!’ ‘I got punched in the face by a woman!’

4. Stands behind large indoor plants out of my view and eaves drops on my conversations with other workers and then asks me about it later. (SO IS THAT NISSAN YOURS?!)

5. Bought a matching car to mine. I can’t tell if he did this so I would notice or if he just didn’t want to be able to drive around when it blizzards anymore.

6. HAS SURVIVED 3 YEARS LIVING IN A FUCKING NURSING HOME. Honestly, who doesn’t just give up and die in the first 6 months? The average nursing home stay is something like 168 days. I wonder other things like… why does someone who still drives and walks around without looking like an awkward bird choose to live in a nursing home?

7. Has called the store multiple times pretending to be my dad or grandpa. Asks other co workers about me.

8. Waltzes behind the deli counter (And other employees only ares) like he fucking owns the place and claims he can because he has a tattoo of jesus.

9. Watches me through the window when I’m not looking/pretending not to notice.

10. Everything else.

So. Do I have a case? Apparently not. According to managers and police alike, I can’t really do anything until he ‘crosses the line’ like show up at my dwelling, because making me feel unsafe at my place of work and walking to and from work isn’t crossing far enough across this god forsaken line. Even when multiple customers point out that they think the sweet girl who gives them all their stupid gluten free muffins is being stalked, the line is still apparently uncrossed.

My boyfriend says he can hang out and punch him in the face, but I don’t want my boyfriend going to jail for punching an old man in the face.

The sad part is that only about one third of the people I talk to about this can pick up on the severity of the situation. And unfortunately only about 5 people in this large group of people that I ramble to are dudes. Most of the dudes I tell don’t think it’s an issue because they do creeping of their own. CREEPING IS NOT OKAY AND IT IS NOT THE WAY INTO A GIRLS HEART AND/OR VAGINA.

Let me repeat myself:

CREEPING IS NOT OKAY AND IT IS NOT THE WAY INTO A GIRLS HEART AND/OR VAGINA.

What the fuck am I going to do. WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO.

Creepers: Episode 1. An Introduction to my Creep-fest.

Before I begin I should make one thing clear: I HATE when people visit me while I am at work. I am usually in situations where I am being paid to a shit load of mundane tasks and chatting about them as a feeble attempt at small talk is not one of them. If you happen to see me, a simple 'Hello!' will suffice.

My jobs always include some sort of customer service, AKA, dealing with people. I use my 'work voice' (my stranger voice) which is friendly and misleading, because my real voice is too mumbly jumbly for anyone to understand.

This 'voice' that I must resort to using misleads old creepy men into thinking I am totally interested in every last dull creepy thing they have to say to me, causing them to linger and in turn causing me to laugh uncomfortably which IN TURN causes them to call up my place of employment posing as my dead grandpa wondering what my address is so they can 'send me gifts.' The biggest thing that gets me deep creeped is probably my uncomfortable laugh, which leads me to make this point:

Men, boys, dudes, and creeps alike: If a woman is laughing during a conversation with you, there is only about a 20% chance that it is a SINCERE laugh. The other 80% of laughs are either out of total and utter discomfort ("Does he not realize that I am here, in the park, reading alone because I WANT TO BE FUCKING LEFT ALONE?) or out of politeness ("I am thankful that I am talking to this nice young man in the sweater vest as opposed to the herd of leering bros who think its totally okay to shave off all of their body hair and go 'woooo!' every 30 seconds.)

Of course there's always my "I love you mr. boyfriend but I think you said a joke and I am not paying any attention to you because I am playing Peggle so I will let out a chuckle. What's that? Your mom lied to you about having diabetes? Oh. Never mind."

Anyway, even without my awkward laugh, my stupid 'work' voice, and my boyfriend hovering over me, I still manage to get creeped on. These are my stories.