Creepers: Episode 2.2: The Beautiful Creep Makes a Move

I’m sure those of you who have read my other posts came across Creepers: Episode 2, the story of the gorgeous man who turned out to be more looney than a toon. Of course, I didn’t learn my lesson, so I went to hang out with him again.

Let’s begin our story with the fact that he texted me before 9am on a winter vacation day. Why any 20 year old guy would be up booty calling at 9am is beyond me. Hey freak don’t you know the sun out? Go back into your man cave until winter grants us a 4pm sunset.

Of course, upon arrival, our friend the gorgeous creep opened the door to let me in and before it even closed he had bolted to his bedroom. He was still in his short shorts pajama ensemble, and I’d imagine since it was now 10am and no one puts pajamas back on after a shower, his balls were still itchy.

We did some morning baking, and once we were all baked out we just sat there awkwardly, staring at the television, which was off. (I don’t mind awkward. In fact, I live for uncomfortable situations.) He toyed with his nuts while I poked around his DVD collection. The sun was out so I suggested we go for a walk and bake elsewhere. Judging by his famous ‘I may just shit my pants right now’ expression, that was going to be a big fat NO.

I sighed and poked around in my purse, hoping one of my ladies had texted me to hang out so I wouldn’t have to tell him the hurtful truth: ‘I’m bored and you haven’t made a move so I want to leave.’ When, suddenly, he spoke!

Him: “Sooooooooo… would you like to…….. give………. me a blow job?”

I honestly thought I was hearing things. No one actually comes out and says this to a woman, do they? I say nothing and look over at him and the ‘I just shit my pants’ expression crawls across his gorgeous face when suddenly, he blurts:

“I’M SORRY I CAN’T GO DOWN ON WOMEN!!”

What on earth is this man babbling about?! Convinced this was too goofy to be real, I closed my eyes and pondered if I should bolt out the door or jump out the window. Which exit would wake me up from this nightmare quicker? When I opened them, he was two inches away from my face with his eyes slit, mouth parted, and his tongue peeking out. I yelped like a lap dog and uncoiled from the position I was sitting in rather quickly, which launched him far far away to the other side of his shoe box room. I couldn’t help but wonder what his illusive brother thought of all this while he hid behind closed doors in the room next to us. (Never saw his brother. Heard him snoring once…at 6 pm… That was it.)

I informed him that it was time for me to go. (My excuse was that I wanted a sandwich, and he obviously did not have enough ingredients for me) He got all pissy-pants and said ‘See you next time!’

Unfortunately, this was the last time I would visit him. He had a few fights with himself in my texting inbox a few times after this however…

Find the first part of this story here!

Creepers: Episode 2. The Beautiful Creep

I have a problem. I seem to attract weirdos whenever I venture into public or if I dare to start up a conversation with a stranger.

Rewind. I am sitting in a pointless general education class. (General Education Class: A more expensive version of the same exact class you took your junior year of high school) I always sit by the back window. That way I can watch what’s happening outside AND I can watch the back of everyone’s heads. There is one particular head I liked to watch, and that was because it was attached to these amazing muscular shoulders and on the other side was the face of a mythical god.

As weeks went by this gorgeous being attempted to talk to me but at the time I thought his horrible social skills were just due to shy-ness… or nervousness… never in a million years did I think this dude would turn out to be probably the most bat shitters person I ever agreed to hang out with.

Phase 1: Dude invites me over to his house for some innocent Lutheran fun. This somehow includes:

Upon arrival, he was wearing short shorts. I’m not sure if they were supposed to be posed as boxers or what. He bolts straight to his room and flops on his bed. (smooth move asshole) I quietly sit on a chair in the corner. He rolls over and begins playing with his balls. This happens on and off through out this creep encounter.

Watching him play Minesweeper (That game that comes default on most windows computers… Who even plays Minesweeper? Avidly?!)

Watching him watch some weird stadium inauguration that he made it apparent he was very upset about missing.

Finally, I called him out on his shenanigans. “Hey man, I’m your guest and you're making me sit here and watch you play fucking MINESWEEPER. At least be more obvious about your rudeness and play Solitaire or some shit!”

After this I had obviously flustered the young man. I asked him (honestly) if he had a hint of some sort of social disorder. He got really mad and flustered about that question and informed me he was burning a CD. I asked if I could decorate the CD, he looked at me as if I had just pinched his mother’s butt.

After the CD was ready to burn, he thrust his laptop at me and said I could play Minesweeper. He left the room and I started playing Hearts. He came back snatched his lap top away and left the room again, leaving me sitting there wondering if I was having some funky erotic dream.

A minute later he pokes his head into the room, and this is how our endeavors came to a close for the day:

Him: “I need to make a sandwich.”
Me: “Okay.” (After my response his eyes bug out like I just kicked his dog.)
Him: “I’m. Making. Myself. A. Sandwich.”
Me: “Do you need help or something?”
Him: “NO. I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH INGREDIENTS  FOR YOU!”
Me: “Oh that’s okay I don’t want a sandwich…” (Like I’d ever eat a sandwich from this crack pot.) At this point, the man looks as if he is about the shit his pants in frustration.
Him: “YOU HAVE TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!”

Now why didn’t he just say that in the first place? Or the real question, why didn’t I do that myself earlier?

There are more stories from this fella. Ya’ll just wait.